I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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