whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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