i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
