she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
