Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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