Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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