I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
