It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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