i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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