I accidentally had phone sex last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
