Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
