Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am one with the molecules
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize