That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
