Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
