What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
