he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
