he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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