didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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