i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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