I didn't shave. On purpose
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
