You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
