I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
