So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
