he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize