i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
