so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
