girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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