the condom got lost in my hair
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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