I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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