I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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