her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
