it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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