there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ladies don't puke and tell
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize