my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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