i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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