There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
