super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
