member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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