i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize