booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
