That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
