So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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