so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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