can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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