Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
