I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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