fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
