Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
