I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
