If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
