Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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