We won't sleep together?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
