I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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