then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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