this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
