believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize