farters have to be the big spoon...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
