I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
