the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
