Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
