My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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