Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
