Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
