I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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