apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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