I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
