Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ladies don't puke and tell
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
