stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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