Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
