My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
