the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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