You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
