If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
