I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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