I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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