I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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