I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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