maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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