So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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