oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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