Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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