Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
