we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
high people should be assigned attendants
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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