His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
