lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
