He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
