I got chris browned last night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize