is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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