He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
