I cannot find my penis.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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