Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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