Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
