Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
