I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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