Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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