at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
