My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
