mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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