Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize