You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
