you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
