well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
