You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
